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Do we educate all children equally?

Do we educate all children equally?


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On a regular basis, we hear comments from parents such as: "My oldest son is very good and docile, but my youngest son, although I bring him up in the same way, is very disobedient and behaves awful." Sometimes no one is more different than two siblings, even when these may be identical twins.

We all know that our children are different and many times we realize that we cannot demand the same from some than from others because their responses to the same situations are different.

All parents who have more than one child know that we must adapt our educational model to each of them. For example, my oldest son has never given me a major upset, he has always been very obedient and responds very well to the advice I give him, so I have never had to resort to punishment, with him. On the contrary, my daughter has made me learn a lot to exercise my patience, since she has always been more rebellious and difficult to carry, her response to punishments is quite low and I have learned to handle myself more by attending to her emotions. I love them both equally, I do not notice that they have different sex, but I sometimes feel obliged to proceed in different ways with them.

Communication and relationships in the family go back and forth, therefore we have to consider when educating our children aspects such as the role that each one plays in the family, their personality, the position they occupy among the siblings , your sensitivity. We begin to educate everyone equally to be as equitable and fair as possible, but over time we use different strategies for each child, in order to get the best out of them, although fundamentally we remain in our dynamic of following common guidelines.

The other side of this situation is that in the eyes of our children these inequalities are permeating and, many times, they do not understand our different way of acting. As they get older, they interpret these differences as parental weaknesses, preferences, favoritism or privileges. Frequently, those who have always been meek see how their "more rebellious" brothers are given more concessions than he is, and many times they are right. It is clear that from all our children we can learn to stimulate them according to their needs, but even if we adapt our educational procedure to the temperament or character of our child, we must try to be equitable and give everyone the attention they need for each moment of their development.

Patro Gabaldon

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