Communication and socialization

My teenage son does not leave his room. Survival Guide for Parents

My teenage son does not leave his room. Survival Guide for Parents

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One of the most common traits in adolescence is isolation from the rest of your family. It is a stage in which children undergo various transformations. In the ages between 11 and 15, children seek to define and reaffirm their own identity. To do this, they establish very clear limits. And, even, sometimes, they decide that those limits are physical and, literally, they do not leave their rooms. This makes parents of teenage children despair.

Adolescents need to differentiate themselves psychologically from their parents to achieve this and there is a need for this to occur a gap in space between young people and their parents so that this detachment is more evident. In other words, the adolescent needs to lock himself in his own room. Have their own space to benefit their development.

For a teenager his room will mean freedom. In your need to distance yourself from the dependent relationships that have marked your childhood, your bedroom will be a place where you can create your own space in which you feel more secure and autonomous.

In addition, in this process of seeking emotional independence, the young person has many other reasons to 'lock himself' in his own room. Among them:

1. The need for privacy
The young man begins to have reservations, to be protective of his own secrets and does not allow anyone to find out, especially adults. Thanks to intimacy, the adolescent has a space where he can imagine himself in the different situations and changes that he will face at this stage.

2. Search for your own sexuality
Already in early adolescence and even being far from sexual desire, the self-exploration phase appears due to the physical and mental changes that are experienced. Later that sexual desire increases and they begin to seek contact with the other sex and the first relationships begin. Therefore, having an intimate space such as your bedroom will be beneficial at this stage of change.

3. Creation space
In the search for identity and independence, young people seek their own strategies to function in everyday life. In the solitude of their room they seek to do things 'their own way' to be independent.

4. The new way of relating
Adolescents in the search for their identity reject close relationships with their parents to lean on the peer group. In the society in which we live, new technologies play a leading role in communication between young people. Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, YouTube, etc. they are the 'new' communication channels that they now use to interact. Thanks to these, the boys do not have to move from 'their space' and can spend hours locked up using these social networks.

For all these reasons we can understand that when adolescents lock themselves in their room and isolate themselves from their parents should not be worrying. Intimacy, reserve, or the search for their sexuality are aspects that indicate that the young person is developing in a positive way.

Parents have to accept all the physical and mental changes that their child is undergoing. It is important that this happens, but it is not easy. Parents are often not able to assimilate all these changes, they forget that adolescence is another stage in the normal development of your children and, therefore, the situation can overcome them.

As adults are overwhelmed, the solution they find most easily is to become agents of the FBI or KGB. The anguish that parents experience in the face of these changes makes them enter a dynamic that is based on reviewing everything the child does, such as: wanting to know what he thinks, knowing who he is meeting with and knowing what he does all the time within your room in which you enter without calling or check the drawers, spy on your mobile, etc. This disregard for their privacy makes that the child moves further and further away from the figure of his parents and mark distances.

Therefore, before adults consider their role and become police officers, it will be important that they follow certain guidelines:

- Parents have to set limits
Since the adolescent is going to spend a lot of time in 'his space', he must take into account limits such as, for example, the time he sets himself to study or for entertainment.

- Entertainment deserves a full stop
Consoles, mobile phones, tablets, etc. They are the great training of young people today. For its good use it is important that parents set rules and limits.

- Be open to dialogue
It is true that at this stage the children are not very communicative but formulas have to be found so that they can chat. Share a hobby such as building a model or playing the game of your favorite video game together. In short, understand what their tastes are and share them.

- Relationship with others
Since he likes to be locked in his room, parents can let the young person invite one of his friends to share activities. At the same time, relationships can be established with other parents who are in the same situation.

With these guidelines parents will be able to 'survive' adolescence and confinement of their children in the room without worrying and without invading your privacy. Only if alarm signals are detected that indicate that the child may have a significant problem and there is no other solution can their space be invaded.

You can read more articles similar to My teenage son does not leave his room. Survival Guide for Parents, in the category of Communication and socialization on site.

Video: How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager (June 2022).


  1. Maza Blaska

    Useful topic

  2. Dousho

    Of course. I agree with all of the above.

  3. Arajinn

    I am sorry, that I interrupt you, I too would like to express the opinion.

  4. Kagasar

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  5. Ferrau

    Yes, I understand you. In it something is also distinguished the thought, agrees with you.

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